Archive for December, 2012

December 26, 2012

Bit of a blip…

I went out today to a vaguely social gathering and I stayed in the car and cried. No amount of TB telling me I looked beautiful made any difference. No amount of knowing people don’t view me as the sick lady in a wig makes any difference.
I do know all this but it makes no difference.

My hair is growing back…it’s about half an inch long. The few people who have seen it love it…they say it’s a great style and does actually suit me. Yet I see someone who a few months ago had long dark waist length hair and doesn’t want to go out until it’s back again. I don’t care if a crop looks good…I don’t want it cropped.

I see a damaged woman, even though I know my hair will grow long again, my nails will recover and my reconstruction, though not entirely natural looking, is quite something to behold!  But still, above all, I see a damaged me.

It’s not about how others see me but how I see myself.
I see every bit of damage this cancer treatment has caused and it breaks my f***ing heart.

But fear not, normal service WILL be resumed.
I’m a feisty old bird, don’t you know?

 

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December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas, Tinternet People

Well, how surreal. Today I was radiotherapied by elves…I kid you not!
The staff in the oncology unit were dressed as elves and very good ones, too. There were mince pies and chocolate mini rolls.
I was there and back in an hour an a half…fantastic!

And now I’d like to wish you all a Happy Christmas (or a grumpy one if that’s your thing)…I hope all your wishes come true.

And I’d like to thank everyone for the support, gifts, well wishes, terrible jokes, bizarre photographs. All these things have made me feel there is more to my life at the moment than one hospital appointment after another. You’ve made me feel like me and not the poor sick lady.

TB is home now, finished for Christmas, so I’m going to lock the door, draw the curtains, dim the lights and begin the festivities

Merry Christmas
TB, I love you
xxx

December 22, 2012

Radiotherapy…such a doddle, so far!

So far, radiotherapy has been an absolute doddle.

Radiotherapy

Here’s the beast that zaps me and the bed I lie on in front of it. I took this photograph as it was being set up for me…the green thing is the head rest and blue and white thing supports my arm.  I get myself in position, then the radiographers shift me about a bit…literally a tiny, tiny bit…2mm one way, 1.5mm another, using green lasers as a guide.  Then they press a button and run out of the room before the beeping stops and the zapping starts.  Positioning me for it takes five minutes.  The actual zapping takes less than a minute.  They do this twice, then I go home.

My journey to the hospital takes an hour or so and I’m lucky enough to be using volunteer provided transport.  (TB just can’t take two or three hours off every day for fifteen consecutive days.)

I have 99.9% Aloe Vera gel to use during this treatment as it apparently helps minimise skin damage.

Last night when I got home TB had beaten me to it and turned on the lights and it was cosy and warm. It is very good to come home to find a handsome young man waiting for me!

December 15, 2012

Mmmince pie?

Mince pie?

vol

Don’t mind if I do!
TB has bought more mincemeat…I think he wants more of these.

I’m looking forward to making my own mincemeat and Christmas pudding next year and the resumption of normal service.

December 14, 2012

Auntie Re and Brenda

Auntie Re, thank you for letting Mum read this blog on your iPad
and thank you to Brenda for your incredibly thoughtful gift
xxx

My radiotherapy begins next week so will be complete by the middle of January. I’ll try to get a photograph of the machine. My posts may be a little delayed for the next three weeks or so but I shall do my best to keep up to date with everything.

December 6, 2012

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Look what I’ve got!

fillet

I collected my prosthesis from the Breast Clinic.
(Again, mine for free…how blooming marvellous is the NHS?)
It’s a “partial”. I place it in my bra over my real breast to make it the same size as my new Becker Boob.
I love it, it’s strangely comforting. I shall probably miss it once I’ve had surgery to even me up.

I had my first meltdown moment on Monday after reading family posts about Christmas preparations…all I could think was I WANT A CHRISTMAS! So, I did something about it. Before TB went swimming he brought the decorations down from the attic and while he was out I filled the house with Christmas.

tree

I feel great again, now.

I’ve had my CT Scan to mark the target for my radiotherapy.
I now have two full-stop sized tattoos to make sure the target and only the target is treated. Two little tiny dots which were a bit of an ouch to have done. How do people have more? Why do people have more?

The logistics of the radiotherapy no longer seem daunting. Fifteen daily treatments were going to be tricky to attend but I’m going to use hospital transport…another big thank you to the NHS.