Bit of a blip…

I went out today to a vaguely social gathering and I stayed in the car and cried. No amount of TB telling me I looked beautiful made any difference. No amount of knowing people don’t view me as the sick lady in a wig makes any difference.
I do know all this but it makes no difference.

My hair is growing back…it’s about half an inch long. The few people who have seen it love it…they say it’s a great style and does actually suit me. Yet I see someone who a few months ago had long dark waist length hair and doesn’t want to go out until it’s back again. I don’t care if a crop looks good…I don’t want it cropped.

I see a damaged woman, even though I know my hair will grow long again, my nails will recover and my reconstruction, though not entirely natural looking, is quite something to behold!  But still, above all, I see a damaged me.

It’s not about how others see me but how I see myself.
I see every bit of damage this cancer treatment has caused and it breaks my f***ing heart.

But fear not, normal service WILL be resumed.
I’m a feisty old bird, don’t you know?

 

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4 Comments to “Bit of a blip…”

  1. Yasmin, you always knew this would hurt, and the reason you asked for help from your internet buddies was to help supply the strength you needed fight the emotional stress of your treatment.

    Sweetheart this IS still the treatment, and this IS still the pain.

    You are no more expected to cope alone now than you were back then, and we are still right here for you and your family, every bit as eager for you to overcome your fears and get right back up there and SHINE like the star you are.

    Come on, you beautiful girl. Stop pining for what may not yet be lost and congratulate yourself and your wonderful family for getting you back on the very real road to recovery.

    Sheila xx

  2. You are SO entitled to a ‘bit of a blip’!!

    It was never going to be easy, but your positive attitude has shone through every step of the way, have your blip and then get yourself right back on track…….remember Green and Blacks are ALWAYS there in times of emergency.

    The crop is only temporary, soon the locks will be luscious again, keep the hair brushes handy :-)

  3. You’ll miss that wig when it’s no longer required though… perhaps you can have extensions made out of it? Knee-length hair!

  4. I just wandered over from “Our New Life in the Country”. I read back a bit and am in awe of you. I have never been handed this particular burden and can only pray I would have your strength and courage. Have a meltdown! It is fine. It is perfectly alright. I look on this as a bit of a cleansing. You are facing your hurt. It would do no good to pretend you do not have these feelings.This too will pass. God bless and keep you in the palm of His hand.

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