Archive for April, 2014

April 15, 2014

Sniff…

All was well at the dentist; apparently my oral hygiene skills are very good. Oral hygiene is a skill! Who knew?

I’ve seen doctor number one who dismissed one concern.
I’m still waiting to see doctor number two who is the serious guy so sleep still evades me.

I’ve spent weeks not being able to work because I was too ill. Time off when you’re sick is no fun.
Today the sun is shining and it’s warm so for a few hours I ditched work, pushed thoughts of sickness to the back of a dusty cupboard and took Ralph for a stroll in the sun.

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He sniffed and snuffled and sprinkled and sniffed and trotted and sniffed some more.
I get great pleasure from seeing him trotting (and sniffing) in his happy way.
Now we’re home with a pot of tea and a pot full of worries but it was nice…

…brief but nice.

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April 5, 2014

Let me out of the woods, pleeeeeease!

Just when I was accepting that I could put it all behind me it kicks off again.
I could keep this quiet until I know more but as this blog has always been
the “action as it happens” and to show others that we all go through this, I shall post this now.

Remember how last October I had a bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy. It sounds very fancy but is simply the removal of both ovaries and fallopian tubes. I had this because my breast cancer was fed by estrogen so no ovaries means less estrogen and that which the adrenal gland produces (in a roundabout sort of way) is dealt with by taking letrozole.

Still with me? I know it’s dull!

So, the menopause was surgically induced. Having been plagued with debilitating and health damaging periods for many years and I truly believe the attempted treatments to solve this caused my breast cancer (but no blame is appropriate; being as low risk as was possible who wouldn’t prescribe such treatments?) this seemed an all round winning situation.

This week I began bleeding.
I am seeing a doctor next week and have also arranged a referral to my gynaecologist.

In the meantime I am not sleeping, not concentrating, not working, not really functioning at all.
The fear of having cancer again never leaves me but is generally pushed aside.

Today I’ve been mentally checking my wigs (will have to have them cut short now to match my new hair), wishing I hadn’t just disposed of the left over medication I had been given to help me through chemo (I did this last week), wishing I hadn’t unpacked my “emergency overnight kit” (I did this last month) and wishing I didn’t already know what it’s like to haveĀ  chemotherapy.

I may be jumping the gun big time. It may be an inexplicable bleed (I do still have my uterus)
but I am well aware of what else it may be.

And I have a dental appointment next week and that really freakin’ scares me!

TB suggested I write this post as he thought it would help.
That man is always right…

As ever, thank you for listening
xx

April 2, 2014

I don’t know

Should I start drawing again?
I’ve been so busy kicking cancer’s butt then catching up with other work
that I haven’t lifted a pencil in nearly two years.