No meat, no fish, no fowl, no dairy, no eggs…but all the fruit and nuts and vegetables and herbs and spices and nut milks and bean curds and pulses and grains and funghi and oils and breads and noodles and pastries and fillings and tarts and cakes and pastas and sauces and gravies and nut butters and fruit spreads and juices and cordials and wines and beers and teas and fresh roasted coffee beans and bakes and roasts and fries and…and…and…and…Lord, I could add more!

I’m 60, a vegan, a portrait artist, stupidly proud mother of a grown up son, and wife to a wonderful ToyBoy.

Please scroll down for my blog posts (you can subscribe by email by clicking “Sign me up” on the right hand menu or at the bottom of the page or you can just pop by) and do come back for more.

PS: I’m sorry I don’t always respond to your comments and emails but please believe I read them all and they make a big difference to me. Thank you xx

To boob or not to boob…

Here’s a cute picture of my dog, irrelevant to this post but attention grabbing, don’t you think?

My breast implants are due for replacement in the next year or so, this is standard. After both mastectomies I had immediate reconstruction with saline implants under my pectoral muscles. Read all about it here! Now, this means my boobs are rock solid and don’t squish out of the way. I accepted that as I liked the shape they gave me when I’m dressed. But now, they have started to move and lose their shape, and the mild discomfort I’ve always had has become a far greater discomfort. I also now think that a great shape clothed, which is really the only pro (though not so much a great look when naked) is not worth the cons of only sleeping comfortably on my back, they’re in the way when I play the guitar, in the way when I play pool, even in the way when I play the harmonica. They feel tight, they are sneaking sideways and even get in the way of my arms.

So I am very seriously considering having the old ones out and not replaced. A part of me wishes I’d opted for flat to begin with but that’s easy to say now and circumstances were such at the  time that I chose what I thought was the best option. I honestly don’t know if there will be times when I wish I could fill a dress although as I was flat chested until I was pregnant I’m kind of used to that and it never really bothered me.

As taking up hospital resources durung a pandemic seems wrong, I shall continue to ponder for a few months.

My thoughts on lockdowns…

It would seem here in England we are heading for another full lockdown, unless parliament rejects it today in which case mayhem will ensue as the PM announced it last week. I have no problem with a lockdown. I want this virus under control. I want people to respect it. This is not a movie. Will Smith will not save the world with wry humour, intelligent wit and a flashy eye thing. If you’re told (because when asked you thought you knew better) to stay at home then please, stay at home!

I know this will cause many problems for many people but in time the economy will recover, even if it takes years and you will see family and friends again, resume your education, your career, persue your dreams. No amount of time will be enough for a corpse to recover.

So, grab a book, print or digital, it matters not. You can borrow ebooks from the library and you can join online if you need to. You can order print books online from all the well known retailers or you can use Hive and help independent bookshops a little. Join an online book group – it doesn’t have to be a book club; I like the groups which talk about all things bookish but also do have group reads.

Read yourself to another world. Learn something new. Become an expert in something. Dabble in something. Enrich your soul. Arouse your mind. Stimulate your conversation.

Essential shops will be open. Essential local shops will be open. If you can, please use them. If they offer online sales, please use them.  If you have little grey cells, please use them.

Face masks, frames and Ralph

Solid framed spectacle wearers, take the metal strip out of your disposable face mask. Your glasses will clamp the mask to your nose and cheeks and sit where you need them to be; also they will not steam up. I don’t think this will work if your glasses have nose pads but for me this has solved a lot of problems and is a better fit than any other type of mask. And for heaven’s sake, dispose of it responsibly!

I hope you’re all doing ok. I work from home and am an antisocial so and so anyway, so lockdown has been fairly easy for me. It’s been lovely having TB home with me for three months but he’s now returned to work, albeit with some very strict rules in place. I have three of the extra risk factors healthwise and he can’t risk losing more time working.

In other news, my aged dog is fourteen now and has the expected stiffness, reduced mobility and deafness. (No more shaking at thunder and fireworks.) He also has canine dementia, which means some very disturbed nights when he needs a lot of reassurance and has seizures in his sleep. But he’s happy, eats well, plays as well as he can, gets excited when he sees a cat and sleeps well during the day, so he’s going nowhere. Because of this, I am sleeping downstairs with the dog so my husband can sleep undisturbed, especially now he’s back at work and because I love them both, I’m happy to do this.

Rocks, pebbles and bones

Yesterday I had a “follow up” dexa-scan, to check my bone density as one of the chemo drugs I had and one of the drugs I still take have a tendency to ravage it. I’m pretty certain “follow up” meant annual or bi-annual…it’s been five years but hey ho! I’m also pretty certain all is well as I also take drugs to counteract the ravaging. The nurse was amazed that I weighed exactly the same as five years ago and thinking about it, I was wearing the same jeans and hoodie so that must have helped.

Whilst at the hospital I hid (not too well as I wanted them to be found) a couple of pebbles I had painted. This morning I’m up in the clouds as this photograph was posted on the Love on the Rocks Facebook page.

This is why I do it. This was first pebble I have hidden
and the first to be found. It feels wonderful :o)

 

If you find the other one or any others,
(there a so many people doing this)
please do post a photograph.

 

Not that kind of girl…

Instead of working, I’ve been messing around, (as you do and anyway, that’s what I do best) and I was intrigued by the difference in reversed images. This is something of which  I’ve always had to be wary when drawing portraits. I’ve always thought photographs didn’t look like me but I guess they do, they just don’t look like me in the mirror. (Also, in the mirror I look 35, maybe 40, not 56!)

This isn’t a new realisation but it acted as a very efficient displacment activity. One of the above old birds is me and the other is em. Both are sporting their new “Seize the Grey” hair.

Nearly all the old dye has grown out…
another six months should see it gone.

Images aside, how others perceive us is very different from our own view of ourselves. Never forget that, it’ll save a lot of time, frustration and misunderstanding. No-one wants to live in a cheesey romcom movie. “But I thought you were that kind of girl…”

Dust…

Just to let you know, I got to the end of my jar of muesli and had a bowl full of dust but I ate it anyway.
It does not work like fairy dust…I am still not a princess.

You’re welcome

Letrozole, sunlight and socks

Every day I take a small selection of drugs, all cancer treatment related. One of them, Letrozole, has many side efects, several of which I experience, but one of which is pretty rare. One in a thousand patients suffer this rare affliction and I am soooooo flipping special that I am one in a thousand.

I have developed an allergy to bright sunlight, all year round, indoors and out! I’m ok if it’s cloudy but if the sun actually shines on me, whether directly or through a window, I’m on fire…the pain is really rather something. So I have replaced my love of a strappy vests with long sleeved t-shirts, jeans, leggings, long swishy skirts or short skirts with thick black tights or thigh high socks. Sandals have become boots (because socks and sandals have no place in my world!). My hair has to cover the tops of my ears or I wear a hat. I have also learned that not all colours block the sun, so it’s lucky I already have a wardrobe full of black and navy. My face seems immune (probably due the make-up without which I don’t leave the house) and my fingers seems a little less sensitive but thank goodness for antihistamine tablets…they don’t stop it but they make it less painful.

But after dark…oh, that’s when I shine and dance naked across the fields

Birds!

My garden is only 12 feet wide and 30 feet long and paved.
I wanted wildlife in it so a few months ago I bought a bird feeding station
and have just bought a second one and now have 16 feeders.

It’s been a gradual process but regular vistors now include House Sparrows, Starlings, Goldfinches, Blue Tits, Great Tits, Coal Tits, Wood Pigeons, Stock Doves, Collared Doves, a Robin, a Chaffinch, Hedgehogs, a squirrel, a mouse, slugs and snails. And yesterday, briefly and probably never to be repeated, an Osprey!

 

I’m chuffed to bits to have my own little Nature Reserve.

Peas, pied and poppies…

TB and I walked nine miles yesterday.
It was a beautiful day and he took some lovely photographs en route.

We walked through a field of peas as they were being harvested and enjoyed a handful (or two) of those left behind. I shall be using some of his work as reference for drawings. Team work…tis all about the team work!

Foxes, dogs and sunshine…

During my cancer treatment I received so much support from many people, some of whom I’ve never met. My gratitude knows no bounds and as I’ve always been a big believer in paying it forward, every year I draw four or five portraits in aid of charities.

So far this year I have given three (Waltham Forest Cat Protection, The Fox Project, Boston Pilgrim Stroke Unit) and have two more scheduled (Lincolnshire Dog Rescue and The National Fox Welfare Society). Take a look here

It’s not entirely selfless. It makes me feel I am giving something back and that is a good, good feeling. So, on this beautiful sunny morning I am smiling like a mad thing as I trawl through photographs of foxes and dogs. Life’s pretty darn fine!